My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Tell her she can't have a vagina
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
