Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
