I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
