I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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