Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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