Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
