she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
