A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
