She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
