is your mom at the bar?
i barfeds in our rink
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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