think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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