so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
