well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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