Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
