My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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