Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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