She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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