maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
