So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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