dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
