thus making me awesome and them whores
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
