I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
