Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
