He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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