sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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