recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
fuck your aforementioned shoe
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize