i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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