We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
