he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
