sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
