So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
