HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
