omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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