just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
