I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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