she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
