You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
