when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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