she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
