Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
