Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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