I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize