I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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