i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
