I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
