Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
