dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize