shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So many bounce houses so little time
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize