Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
