I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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