i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
