dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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