you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
