do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I believe in your delicious
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
