This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
