Having a random hookup so left but love u
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
