I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
