So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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