Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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