May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
