I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Acid is not a monday night drug
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
