Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
