I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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