I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
