The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
