i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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