we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
