im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
