her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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