This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
