Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
