Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
