There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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