dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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