you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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