My brain says no but my pants say off.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
