guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
