My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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