so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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