you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
