Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
