Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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