There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
